the world's greatest exaggerations

The Diary of Donald Trump: June 9th, 2016

T


Diary of Donald TrumpThe following is an excerpt from Donald Trump’s diary entry dated June 9th, 2016.

Slept like a billionaire last night (because I am one)

Checked Fox News after my fried chicken and taco breakfast and saw Stupid Obama (still don’t know what to call him) endorsed Crooked Hillary

Unbelievable. No one would have ever guessed he’d endorse her over me. I’m a MAN. SAD!

So I told my girl to tweet this: Obama just endorsed Crooked Hillary. He wants four more years of Obama — but nobody else does!

Yes! “Crooked Hillary” (I came up with that name)

Thousands and thousands of favorites and retweets. I love it. My guy keeps me up on all my data and statistics when it comes to retweets. SCIENCE

Then! Crooked Hillary responded to me with: Delete your account

LAME

I had to tweet her but it had to be good. Her tweet was getting retweeted, but probably by illegal immigrants and criminals and dead people. TRUE

I considered tweeting this: No, Crooked Hillary, Delete YOUR Account

That’s good. Really good.

Someone said I should say something about how she has a giant staff tweeting for her, which doesn’t seem as good to me

Then! I started to tell my girl to tweet No, Crooked Hillary, Delete YOUR Account when Junior called saying he had a meeting with some Russians who have dirt on Hillary. Crooked Hillary I like to call her.

Junior’s an idiot but he might come through this time. I already told him my money’s on Jared but maybe I’m wrong. NOT

Junior told me Russia wants to help me. I’m flattered, I don’t need their help. But hey let’s see what they have to say. Can’t hurt.

I listened in on the meeting and they have the dirt. They have emails.

Crooked Hillary will not have the last word. I came up with that nickname for her by the way.

I think the Russians said DNC emails but I don’t even know what DNC is. No, the emails she deleted would be better for them to have, more dramatic. So I’m going to say that! SMART

So we planned and strategized and decided my tweet response to Crooked Hillary would be a two-parter. A one-two punch. STRENGTH

This is the first part:

“How long did it take your staff of 823 people to come up with that”

I came up with the number 823, someone else said 150 but 823 sounds bigger. Someone said people can see from the time that she came up with it in 5 minutes but nobody looks at that stuff.

Someone else said someone might notice that it actually took me 5 hours to come up with this. Who cares. MOVE ON.

This is the second part:

“and where are the 33,000 emails you deleted?”

Beautiful.

There’s no way this retweet will not get more retweets than Crooked Hillary’s retweet of my tweet. No way.

And if it does, it’s rigged and the second I’m President I’m going to shut down Twitter until we can figure out what’s going on.

More from sarahcpr.com:

More from the web:

COMMENTS
the world's greatest exaggerations

Follow Me